Does She Ever Shut Up?

Psychotic Sea Mammal--pay attention

2007-02-06T21:42:00.000-06:00

Look, asshat, I'm posting this here because I figure you're so obsessed that you're still checking blogs daily, if not hourly.

You (and you know who you are) need to knock it the fuck off. You had some friends, friends who actually kinda gave a shit, and put up with your eccentricities with a laugh and an indulgent shake of the head. But guess what?

YOU FUCKED IT UP!!

You. You ALONE fucked it up. You are NOT a victim, as you are undoubtedly telling yourself and anybody who will listen. You did this to YOURSELF, by acting like a lunatic. People who previously thought of you as a slightly odd, but sweet lonely old guy are now scared of you, disgusted by you, or are fervently praying for your demise.

Did you think it was normal to save other people's pictures off their sites? Personal pictures put up there for sharing, NOT for stealing... you took. You just took them and justified it in your paranoid little brain. Nobody was after you, EVER. You trolled and had fits worthy of a Tourette's sufferer, and we all just took it in stride, but that wasn't enough for you, was it?

Now you can't stand that the rest of us move on without you. What, did you think we'd part ways just because you had a meltdown? You never were the glue that held us together, though we're all really close now because of our joint hatred of your stupid ass. And you know what? If you want us to stop hating you, try quitting the destructive, obsessive, stalker shit. Get a hobby.

I hear cleaning loaded guns is great fun. Russian roulette with a semi-auto sounds like a blast, too.

Get right on that.

Not enough eyerolls in the world

2007-01-11T20:48:00.000-06:00

HOW OLD IS THE GRAND CANYON? PARK SERVICE WON’T SAY — Orders to Cater to Creationists Makes National Park Agnostic on Geology

Washington, DC — Grand Canyon National Park is not permitted to give an official estimate of the geologic age of its principal feature, due to pressure from Bush administration appointees. Despite promising a prompt review of its approval for a book claiming the Grand Canyon was created by Noah's flood rather than by geologic forces, more than three years later no review has ever been done and the book remains on sale at the park, according to documents released today by Public Employees for Environmental Responsibility (PEER).

“In order to avoid offending religious fundamentalists, our National Park Service is under orders to suspend its belief in geology,” stated PEER Executive Director Jeff Ruch. “It is disconcerting that the official position of a national park as to the geologic age of the Grand Canyon is ‘no comment.’”

Check out the rest of the article here.

In order to avoid offending religious fundamentalists?!

How about a big ol' FUCK YOU. Is that "offensive"?? I certainly hope so.

The only people who don't think any kind of fundamentalists are absolutely looney are the fundies themselves. *sigh*

People confuse and annoy me

2006-12-26T11:31:00.000-06:00

Why the hell would a woman go to the trouble to get completely dressed up, high heels and all, but leave her hair looking like it hasn't been brushed in days, and wearing not a speck of makeup? If the hair and face look like that, the least this person can do is throw on some old sweats and complete the look. Or, I dunno, spend 20 minutes fixing her hair and face to match the clothes. The effect she wound up with is almost dizzying. And very annoying. So much so, in fact, that I saw this strangeness nearly a week ago, and it's still bugging me enough to blog about it.

Season's Greetings... in the 21st century

2006-12-18T08:55:00.000-06:00

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practice of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all… and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only “AMERICA’ in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee.

(By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for him/herself or others, is void where prohibited by law, and is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.)

Shopping... (rant)

2006-12-03T19:54:00.000-06:00

I went shopping today.

The fact that I stepped foot in a store that didn't exclusively sell groceries should tell you right now that I'm highly annoyed. I do my absolute best to stay out of the stores between Thanksgiving and Christmas, particularly on the weekends; however, due to circumstances largely beyond my control (I refuse to admit that I just forgot since last year how utterly horrific this experience is), I had to leave my cozy abode and brave retail reality.

Now, even once you've found yourself a parking spot--and can someone tell me why the nimrod in the Kia can't get their damn vehicle in ONE space, while I can park my motherfucking Suburban on the same amount of asphalt--you have to locate a cart that rolls straight and isn't sticky with some unknown, but undoubtedly disgusting, substance. (Really, what the hell do people do to these things? I bet these are the same cretins who never flush the toilet in a public restroom.)

Then you get to weave around people who feel perfectly justified in stopping in the middle of the aisle to chat with their friend/spouse/kid, who, often, isn't even IN the store with them, but on the other end of the damn cell phone that so many people seem to have permanently attached to their empty, pointed heads.

Would it be so hard for them to pull off into some less-used area? And, when they have to wriggle down some busy or narrow aisle, could they, indeed, park their cart somewhere out of the way and walk, instead of trying to, in essence, drive a Winnebago down a bike path?

Even once you find, or give up looking for, the things you want, you still have to deal with the asshats in the checkout line. Now, it doesn't matter whether you're in Neiman's or WalMart, some self-important prick will get in line, then decide they aren't really done shopping. Does this bastion of selfishness get back OUT of line? No. They leave their cart, often with offspring and/or a spouse guarding it, in line, while they go roaming the store in search of that "one quick thing" that invariably turns into an entire armload of crap. These are usually the same people who strike up conversations with the checker, instead of paying, loading up, and getting out.

Ahh, finally, you think. You've managed to get through the line, out the door, and all this inconsequential, over-priced, under-appreciated, Chinese-built crap loaded into your car. You've even successfully backed your vehicle from its parking space without using the MiniCooper, who was infringing on said space, as a speed bump.

You breathe a sigh of relief as you make your way across the parking lot to the driveway to exit this madhouse and get back on the road towards home. As you approach the exit, you notice that a queue has formed, and is getting longer by the second. At the very front of this line is a terrified individual who wants to make a left across a busy street. This person would very much like it if the local police department would come out, stop traffic and issue them an engraved invitation before they'll turn. Everyone else in line, which is now somewhere between fifteen and twenty, wants to turn right. But they can't, because the nutless wonder in the front has the whole driveway blocked.

Eventually, dear old no-testicle Ted, manages to find a satisfactorily large gap in the traffic, and gets his ass the hell out of the way. It takes the rest of you approximately 30 seconds to clear out, because you weren't all gutless bastards.

The point of this entire rant? I hate people, and I think it should be legal to tazer the fuck out of stupid, selfish people, especially during the holidays.

And I love my UPS guy who delivers countless boxes from Amazon.com to me with a smile, and who calls me "little lady" which, I suppose, should annoy me, but it doesn't.

Wow, long post. High school football and the HAKA!

2006-12-02T11:19:00.000-06:00

All right, I was going to post about the recent high school championship football game between my boys, the Trinity Trojans, and the Carroll Dragons. Now, despite Carroll being geographically closer, I always have and always will "Back the Black" (Trinity's colors are black and red).

I was going to post this article but I think I'll just hit the high points.

The Trinity vs. Carroll game was played at Texas Stadium (home of the Dallas-motherfucking-Cowboys) in front of 46,339 people. This is a high school championship game. We take our football seriously, no shit. Forty-six thousand people. The only reason there weren't more was because the traffic was so tied up that many others couldn't even get near the stadium.

Trinity, sadly, lost 22-21 when those cheating assholes over at Carroll scored with 38 seconds to go. NO, I'm not over it. I've seen Carroll. Yeah, they obviously do pretty well for themselves, or they wouldn't have gotten to the championships, but I call bullshit somewhere. In fact, I'd like to take a good look at their recruiting practices. (Not that I'm bitter or anything.)

Carroll high school is in Southlake. Southlake? Try North Texas's version of Beverly Hills. Only nicer. Does Beverly Hills have a football team? OK, a good, nationally known, football team? Fuck no. And therein lies my point. Rich white kids don't make for kick-ass football teams. Yeah, I'm sure there are exceptions; I'm also sure that someone with a football up his ass will call me racist. (Why? No idea, but some people are so damn touchy.)

Now, as I was doing a bit o' research for this entry, I found some really interesting stuff pertaining to the boys in black:

[Let me preface this by saying that I've been to many, many Trinity football games. Their fans are fucking rabid (really, they make me look like a disinterested bystander). I've seen those guys do this ritual/dance thing before and after their games that absolutely gives me goosebumps. It's like...a celebration of testosterone. Yummy. Now I know all about that little pre- and post-game tradition, and it's absolutely fascinating.]

Apparently, Trinity's hometown of just under 53,000 residents, has a large population of immigrants from Tonga. We're talking 4,000 Tongan folks.

Twenty-four out of the ninety-three member football team are of Tongan descent. Those 24 weigh between 250 and 308 pounds, most stand over six feet tall, and are surprisingly quick and agile. Unsurprisingly, Trinity is widely known as the most physically large and intimidating high-school team in the area. After witnessing many games, I think it would be accurate to say that most teams are just hoping to survive to the end of the game, nevermind win. Trinity doesn't play dirty; they don't have to. They stand there, clad head-to-toe in black, do their war dance and have most rivals shaking in their cleats.

Now, to the ritual/dance that I mentioned. According to my recent research (including, but not limited to this article), it's known as the haka .

"The haka is more than 200 years old and originated with New Zealand's Maori people. Since then, it has been adopted by a number of Polynesian cultures, including that of Tonga."

The Trojans have only been performing the haka for two years and their coach initially figured it'd be a fad. It's caught on to a degree, though, that it looks like it's here to stay. In fact, Trinity fans have been seen wearing t-shirts asking, "Got Haka?". The team has performed the war dance for the other Tongan residents and been met with tears of pride. (I think it's worth mentioning, here, that the team performs this ritual towards their home-team stands, not in the middle of the field or towards the opposing team. Once you see the clip, you'll understand the reasoning.)

Sometimes, things are just too damn cool.

I couldn't find a clip of the Trojans doing their Haka, but there is one other team that regularly does this (none others, anywhere, at least not that I could find).

I give you the New Zealand All Blacks rugby team doing the haka before a game. Just imagine being an opposing high school football team and seeing ninety-three big-ass guys doing this while you're standing at the sidelines, shuffling your feet, and likely, praying.

HA! I found a freaky goat story...

2006-11-30T20:38:00.000-06:00

Man Accused of Spray-Painting Three Goats
AP
MAHOPAC, N.Y. (Nov. 28) - A man broke into a barn on Thanksgiving morning, spray-painted three pet goats and scattered pages of pornographic magazines on the floor, apparently to harass the property owner, police said Tuesday.

Drew Gagnon, 37, of Mahopac, was arrested the next day and was charged with burglary, criminal trespass and animal cruelty, said Lt. Brian Karst, of the Carmel police force, which covers Mahopac. The man who drove Gagnon to the barn, Douglas Bisio, 34, of Mahopac, was charged with criminal facilitation, police said.

"Obviously it's not an occurrence you see every day," Karst said. "I think it was a situation where this harassment got out of hand."

He would not elaborate on past instances of harassment or what the feud involved but said the suspects were known to the property owner.

Gail Fiero, owner of the property on Croton Falls Road, about 50 miles north of midtown Manhattan, said of the goats, "They're our pets. We just want to put this behind us."

Karst said he did not know specifically how the goats were harmed, but The Journal News reported on its Web site that a veterinarian said the goats became sick after eating the magazine pages. The vet, Stacey Dallas, also said the orange paint was on their genitals and described the act as torture.

Gagnon and Bisio were released pending an appearance in Carmel Town Court. The court date had not been set as of Tuesday evening, and the court had no record of lawyers for the men. Gagnon's telephone number was unlisted, and there was no record of a phone for Bisio.

Most of the charges against the men carry punishments of up to a year in jail upon conviction.

I'm thankful for... surviving this f'ing day

2006-11-23T21:34:00.000-06:00

I am exhausted. And I hope every goddamned person who ate and didn't contribute to the "festivities" today gets food poisoning.

I also think I've finally reached a level of supreme tiredness that has rendered me completely uninterested in sex. Shocking.

Although, if I didn't have to do the work....yeah, that would be good.

The beauty (and beast) of internet anonymity

2006-11-17T09:42:00.000-06:00

Read the t-shirt...

Life-long learning

2006-11-14T10:41:00.000-06:00

What I learned this weekend:

Doing a strip-tease for your boyfriend in the middle of the living room, followed by saying, "So, baby, where do you want me?" will automatically win you the "best girlfriend in the world. EVER" award.

---and---

Stripping said boyfriend naked and telling him, "I don't care how many years you went to college, you're nothing but a buffet to me right now. Deal with it." is, "Hands-down, the most awesome thing anybody has ever said" to him.

Yeah, and a whole bunch of assorted other stuff happened over the last few days, but most of the rest of it was either boring or kid-related (which I try to avoid) or, most likely, BOTH.

P.S.--that guy in the pic up there? THAT is what a man is supposed to look like. That bit of chest hair and that fucking delicious happy trail (which is, in fact, about my second favorite part on a man's body). REAL men do NOT WAX THEIR CHESTS and ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NOT THEIR HAPPY TRAILS!!!! It's gay and gross. I'm not saying I'm turned on by the likes of Robin Williams' "Is-he-or-isn't-he-wearing-a-sweater" look, but the "I'm smooth like a little boy, yet muscled like a bodybuilder" thing is just WRONG.

Should I be scared?

2006-11-11T18:03:00.000-06:00

These things don't usually require warning signs...

I couldn't make this shit up if I tried...

2006-11-09T11:32:00.000-06:00

Going hunting for a turkey for Thanksgiving or Christmas? Want to be sure that baby's seasoned up just right? Try Season Shot!

Season Shot-Ammo with Flavor is coming soon in these great flavors:
Cajun
Lemon Pepper
Teriyaki
Garlic
Honey Mustard.

Yes, HONEY MUSTARD flavored ammunition. How fucking awesome is that?

And after you've shot that bird with tightly compressed seasonings, don't forget to drop it in a vat containing several gallons of boiling peanut oil sitting over an open propane flame untended in your backyard as your barefoot and grubby-faced young'uns dance around it. Yeehaw! Holiday dinners will never be the same!

(Where the hell is the hickory barbeque flavor? Dammit, the rednecks will demand barbeque!)

An Example of Testosterone Poisoning

2006-11-09T08:44:00.000-06:00

I was going to write about my neurotic neighbor who is both an annoyance and a source of extreme amusement for me, but then I found this while perusing the international headlines:

From BBC News:

Backside firework prank backfires
A man suffered internal burns when he tried to launch a rocket from his bottom on Bonfire Night.

Paramedics found the 22-year-old, bleeding and with the firework lodged inside him, after receiving reports of the incident in Sunderland.

He was taken to hospital with injuries including a scorched colon caused by the Black Cat Thunderbolt Rocket.

A spokesman for the North East Ambulance Service (NEAS) said the prank could have been fatal.

Douglas McDougal, from the NEAS, said: "We received a call stating there was a male who had a firework in his bottom and it was bleeding.

"He sustained fairly significant injuries in the fact that there's huge damage to that particular area."

'Beyond belief'

Mr McDougal added: "Potentially it could have been a fatal incident.

"There's a lot of major blood vessels round that area, so infection would probably be a huge problem for him.

"And also the body naturally produces methane gas, so combine that with the firework and the exploding effect with methane's flammability - it certainly could have been a lot worse than it really was."

A spokesman for the Firework Association described the bizarre prank as "beyond belief".

He said: "We have spent a long time working with the Government to create laws that make fireworks safer and better for the public.

"This incident is very concerning but hopefully an isolated one."

Northumbria Police said they were aware of the incident, which happened in the Dame Dorothy Street area of Monkwearmouth, but are understood not to be carrying out further inquiries.

There's really nothing I can add here, except to say that the chances of a woman attempting this are slim to none. Women do other stupid things, but launching fireworks out our asses is pretty well NOT a girl-thing...

Continuing yesterday's rant...

2006-11-07T15:03:00.000-06:00

You know what's pissing me the fuck off? The fact that some poor woman, who doesn't happen to be a size 0, got totally roasted over on the 'Fish yesterday. Granted, she came off a little harsh, particularly once the attacks started, but I really can't blame her for that. This woman had the NERVE to post her support for Kirstie Alley in her recent weight loss, going on to say that she really looks quite good for a woman of her age and considering her previous weight. (Yes, this happens to be my opinion as well. She still has a way to go if she wants to be anything resembling American-style 'hot' again, but I applaud her progress. She is still, however, a Xenu-loving freak.)

I'm motherfucking sick of it. God for-fucking-bid that someone isn't a swimsuit model. Let's just think, for a moment, at what ELSE this woman might have going for her. Is she intelligent? Fun? PRETTY? Is she an awesome friend, mother, wife, employee or boss? Is she someone's mentor or hero?

I have to say here, that it has not escaped my notice that the people doing the flaming have yet to unveil their glorious perfection for all to see.

I've seen hundreds of skinny women whose looks would actually benefit from putting on a few pounds. Does everyone think that women should look like 12-year-old boys (only somehow, they're supposed to have big, natural tits)? That heroin-chic look is horrid, and likely as unhealthy as being overweight. Yes, a happy medium is best, but for god's sake can we not get a little more tolerant?

I saw, recently, where someone said that anybody wearing a size ten was FAT. Not plump, not chubby, but all-caps FAT.

Let me tell you something: I was a size ten through high school (I'm smaller now, not that it should matter) and I had more goddamn dates than I could handle, and NO, I wasn't the school slut. I had tits and ass and even in jeans and a t-shirt, I had curves that didn't go unappreciated. I got a little older, got married, and had my three girls, got divorced.

Guess what?

The twenty-something guys I play basketball with (yeah, I'm barely five foot nuthin' and I play basketball) think I'm pretty cool. Three of them have asked me out, and I'm no model. My significant other certainly seems to think I'm attractive, despite the very beginnings of crow's feet and, yes, the stretch marks that gestating a grand total of almost 26 pounds of brand-new little humans has given me. I am a real person with real faults. I admit it.

One other thing drew my attention. One of the 'Fish regulars said, a few days ago that a) he's not hung/huge and b) he needs to drop a few pounds. (He looks OK to me, and size isn't everything.) Nobody gave him shit, or if they did, it didn't amount to much. Why is that? Is it because he owned up to his faults up front? Is it because he had a sense of humor about it (always good)? Is it because he's one of the regulars, and therefore can do no wrong? Or is it because he's a man?

Something to ponder as you prepare your nasty comments for me.

******Snarky comments regarding those who choose to live in the public eye, however, are a fucking riot.******

So, basically, she's been judged a whore

2006-11-07T12:24:00.000-06:00

Judge dismisses Spears' suit against mag

LOS ANGELES (AP) — A judge has thrown out Britney Spears' lawsuit against celebrity magazine Us Weekly, ruling the pop star cannot be defamed by published rumors that she and her husband had made a sex tape and were worried about its release.

Superior Court Judge Lisa Hart Cole said Spears has "put her modern sexuality squarely, and profitably, before the public eye" and it would be unlikely for the magazine article to be found defamatory.

Her decision to dismiss the $10 million lawsuit filed last year did not address whether the October 2005 story was true or false.

"The issue is whether it is defamatory to state that a husband and wife taped themselves engaging in consensual sex," Cole wrote in the decision issued last week. "The backdrop against which this issue must be addressed is that the plaintiff has publicly portrayed herself in a sexual way in her performances, in published photographs and in a reality show."

Spears' lawyer, Martin Singer, did not return a call Monday seeking comment.

Us said in a statement it stood by its reporting and was pleased with the decision.

The lawsuit stemmed from an article published Oct. 17, 2005, in the magazine's "Hot Stuff" column under the headline, "Brit & Kev: Secret Sex Tape? New parents have a new worry: racy footage from 2004."

It claimed Spears and her husband, Kevin Federline, feared the release of a secret sex tape, which they had viewed with their estate planning lawyers. The article said that Spears gave a copy of the tape to lawyers on Sept. 30 and she and Federline were "acting goofy the whole time" while watching the video.

"There was no laughter, disgust or goofy behavior while watching the video in the company of lawyers because they did not watch any video, and because there is no such video," the lawsuit said.

Spears sued after Us refused to issue a retraction.

Spears, 24, married Federline, 28, in 2004. They have a 1-year-old son, Sean Preston, and an infant son, who was born Sept. 12. The couple have not confirmed the infant's name, which is reportedly Jayden James.

Federline has two children from a previous relationship.

USA Today

I'd say "acting goofy" while watching that "alleged" video is far preferable to the alternative: projectile vomiting followed by suicide. Maybe that's just me though.

And, just because I'm a sadistic bitch who thinks this is funny as hell...Britney talking about time travel (when she was still semi-hot)

That's the LAST time I let that man borrow my car!

2006-11-06T08:40:00.000-06:00

My father borrowed my car yesterday. He brought it back, parked it, handed me my keys and left. I got in my damn car this morning and...the fucking gas gauge is sitting on empty. I honestly don't think it'll make it to the motherfucking gas station, it's that low. I guess I'll have to invite him over tonight for some reason and then syphon all the fuel out of his car and into mine. Only that will barely make a dent (I drive a ginormous SUV with a 46-gallon tank) but it might at least get me to the station.

Fuck, I had better manners than that when I was a teenager borrowing HIS car! ARGH!

And I'm sick, and it's cool and rainy, so standing outside for fifteen minutes feeding the Chevy (say that with a Mexican accent, bitches!) will be especially pleasant.

*sigh*

The perfect end to a perfect fucking weekend. God, how I wish I could blame my grumpiness on PMS, but, alas, no such luck. Hmph.

Hope you are all having more fun, better luck, and...less assorted pain in the ass happenings in your lives.

For the man in my life...

2006-11-05T08:53:00.000-06:00

I'm seriously annoyed. Why? Because I slept last night. I got, actually, quite a lot of sleep last night. And I'm up at some ungodly hour on a Sunday morning as a result. The thing is... I shouldn't have gone to sleep until the wee hours of Sunday morning, and I should STILL be asleep for at least another couple of hours. Who sleeps on a Saturday night? OK, let me change that: What SINGLE person sleeps on a Saturday night? HMMM???

Baby, darling, sweetie, may I offer you a bit of advice? This is for you:

One of those days

2006-11-04T17:50:00.000-06:00

Needed a reason to live after that Married in Ohio thing

2006-11-01T10:14:00.000-06:00

Yes, I'm having a girlie moment. It happens sometimes.

Still, something as simple as a hug, a smile, or taking a few minutes to truly listen to someone else...manna for the soul.

Too much fucking information, people...

2006-11-01T09:40:00.000-06:00

Someone I previously thought was a friend sent me this link. I'm now fairly sure she hates me, because why the hell else would she think to subject me to this...

Definitely qualifies as oversharing. Grossly oversharing. Jesus.

However, if you're like me and have a morbid curiosity (which I'm pretty sure I'm cured of now, thanks), take a peek:

Married In Ohio

Damnit, Jethro

2006-10-31T12:03:00.000-06:00

My water heater sprung a leak recently, and the plumbers the landlord sent over were very good examples of why first cousins should not marry and breed. After screwing around for, oh, TWO HOURS, they managed to determine where the problem was and proceeded to fix it. Unfortunately, along with fixing the leak, they also "fixed" my thermostat setting.

Now, when I moved into this place, the water heater was set at 90 degrees. Who the HELL sets a water heater at 90 degrees?! As far as I'm concerned, if there are any exposed plastic parts that aren't on the verge of melting, the water's not hot enough. So, I reset the temp. Then Cletus and Jethro came in and fucked it all up again, undoubtedly thinking they were doing me a favor. Since the adjustment knob isn't easily seen (or accessed, thanksverymuch, asshats), I didn't know they'd done this; I just figured my water heater was still messed up.

That's been two weeks ago. TWO weeks of taking tepid showers.

I just realized what had probably happened and reset it. Again. Next son of a bitch that screws with the temperature settings on my water heater OR heater/air conditioner's going to live to regret it, I swear.

(And for crying out loud, plumbers, pull your damn pants up, and see a friggin' dentist once in a while. I KNOW you guys make enough money to cover some basic healthcare. Jeeeezus, you're making the Brits look good.)

Yep, it's a title. And?

2006-10-31T08:18:00.000-06:00

I'm just going to post something short today, because I'm totally exhausted. I stayed up too late last night, and will likely do so again tonight, what with taking the rugrats trick-or-treating/partying and then doing a little something for Samhain.

My oldest girl-kid has been invited by one of her friends to some sort of church shindig--which I find perfectly hysterical, especially considering that my oldest is a rather dedicated athiest and shows nothing but disdain for most religions.

I love it that churches try to turn Halloween into something NOT pagan (much like they have Easter egg hunts, also not in the slightest bit pagan *eyeroll*). Whatever. Ninety percent of people just treat it like a time to go candy-begging and be something you're not for a night. The remaining ten percent need to loosen the fuck up and stop taking everything so seriously.

Damn, I'm tired...

Happy Halloween, y'all! (nod to an angry ferret)

Oh YES!

2006-10-28T13:41:00.000-05:00

I love CafePress. It's damn addicting - almost as bad as Amazon.com.

I already have a pair of these:

Now, I need this:

... and you know what? I'm gonna sleep in that. Yessirree, I am. Sans panties, though--otherwise, what's the point? ;)

Please tell me this is a joke

2006-10-27T12:29:00.000-05:00

A friend emailed me this a bit ago:

Bummer of a Tattoo

This guy had what he thought was a great tattoo... until he wound up being sent to prison . Now he's...

THE MOST POPULAR GUY IN PRISON

For the love of God, let this be a joke with bodypaint and/or Photoshop. If not... damn, that's some bad luck, bitch.

...and I thought MY ex-husband was nuts

2006-10-26T12:25:00.000-05:00

Apparently, after what is described as an "acrimonious divorce," a Viennese man cut off his own ring finger and sent it, with his wedding ring still on, to his ex-wife.

The man said he doesn't regret doing it, never intends to marry again, and that it was "an act of breaking free." Interestingly enough, this might land him in jail for dangerous harassment and assault. So much for freedom.

You know, if he'd really wanted to "show her," he should have cut off his dick and sent it. If you're gonna do something so completely psychotic, you may as well go all the way.

Snap Crackle Pop

2006-10-25T18:34:00.000-05:00

Since about July, I've been having trouble with my neck. Usually it's just a vague tightness; on rare occasions, it's so bad that it's all I can do to get out of bed, take a (large) handful of painkillers, and climb back in. On extra-super bad days, there may also be some pain-induced nausea.

After a few months of that, I finally decided it might be worth it to try going to a chiropractor. Now, I've always resisted going before, because, to be honest, I figured they'd break me worse than I already was. I do NOT like doctors, don't trust them. However, this particular guy's been seeing various members of my family for upwards of 30 years, and they all had great things to say about him. I've been getting pressure from the man (I'm almost 33 years old, and "boyfriend" is a word that should be retired when you hit drinking age, damnit) and various other people who love me and like to interfere, to do something about it.

Fine.

I go, he does that "adjustment" thing and, yeah, I do feel somewhat better. Not perfect, mind you, but that was just one visit. The really cool thing though--I'm pretty sure I'm an inch or two taller now than I was last week.

I might hit 5'3" now. Maybe. If I stand up really straight and tease my hair.

Almost as awesome? For two days after that appointment, everytime I moved, my spine would pop and it sounded just like someone compulsively abusing bubble wrap. Sexxxxayyy, baby!

At any rate, I think I'm going to make weekly appointments until I hit 5'6". Hell, my neck might even stop hurting completely at some point.

I think Bondage Barbie's getting to me

2006-10-24T20:41:00.000-05:00

The other day I was talking to the man, and while he was going off on some political rant, all I could think about was how badly I wanted to take a couple of his lovely silk ties and tie him to the headboard. I feel sure that he was saying something important, but--like men who talk to women's breastesssss--I was focused elsewhere and really didn't hear a word. Fortunately, he's totally okay with me wanting him for his body.

It works for us.

(Actually, the guy's incredibly smart and treats me like a goddess. He does, in fact, call me his "angel." You can all stop laughing now. No, really, QUIT IT. Geez...)